An Ode to Chicago

Holland may be where I grew up, but Chicago is where I became myself.

Chicago is both a place where you can find people who are just like you and people who are very different from you. Both of these things come together to create an environment where you can be whoever you are freely. You know that no matter how strange you are, you'll find that strangeness reflected back to you in someone else, but you also know that since Chicago has so many millions of unique people, it's safe to be unique too.

Growing up, I felt like it was dangerous to be different or that you were welcome to be different but only to an extent. Some things had no flexibility, like you had to be at least protestant, but it was better if you were a part of the Reformed Church in America---obviously, we're Dutch. Anyway, you can't be Catholic. People prayed in public school and pressured you to join, and I had to learn Bible verses in gymnastics classes.

Other things had some flexibility. I never felt like I had to wear name brands or follow fashion trends, for example. Given this little bit of freedom, I ran wild. I performed hyperfemininity to the extreme. I wore dresses and high heels in the middle of blizzards. I woke up at 6am everyday to do a full face of makeup. I discovered vintage clothes. Now, I like these things in moderation, but I feel like I let these things define me because I was afraid of gender-fluidity and lesbianism. See, I didn't have so much flexibility where I felt like I could have been more masculine or alternative with my appearance.

In Chicago, this all changed. I met people who were Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, or even Catholic and it was okay. There were no masses of people turning their noses up at them and telling them they're going to hell. I met so many people who were queer. Meeting queer people felt surprisingly normal and gave me a sense of safety. It's a wonder it took until I was 24 for me to realize I was queer too.

Chicago was the first place where I spoke up critiquing religion. It's where I first said the words "I'm a lesbian." It's where I felt intelligent despite that (or because) I'm a woman. I went to school, and everyone in my environmental science class agreed that climate change was real! These things weren't my everyday, and I am thankful for these 9 years in Chicago that have made my normal so much more open minded.

Chicago is far from perfect, but it was exactly what I needed.